When you’re getting great results at work, very rarely does someone ask you to slow down. My last two miscarriages varied drastically based on the mental health support available within my workplaces.
When in crisis, I think people go into two modes: powering down and firing up. For those who power down, functioning is difficult and there is a visible decrease in productivity. Fellow employees, relatives and friends notice a shift in the person’s demeanor and know to ask about their emotional well-being. On the opposite end of the spectrum, are those of us who go head down into tasks and work on our assignments.
Both years when I experienced miscarriages, I exceeded every company metric that was put before me. Mentally, my family and friends were telling me to take time, but I felt like I needed to prove I was good at something. During my third loss, I realized my job had both bereavement leave for pregnancy as well as mental health resources readily available. Although I did not initially intend on taking time off, my manager told me to. It was just that simple. He reiterated that work was the least of my worries and I took the maximum days off. During that time, I tried to regroup and schedule time with my therapist to create a game plan moving forward.
During fertility challenges and during family planning, both the patient and their partner are emotionally and physically drained. As I started to identify the community at work of others navigating fertility challenges, I realized how much we were carrying and navigating mentally, on TOP of work requirements.
Employees can advocate for better mental health and fertility support in three main ways:
Ask all the questions. As someone who has chosen to join a company, it should be a mutually beneficial experience. So if there’s a company or benefit that is of interest, meet with your HR/business partner to ask!
Meet with your manager and share your journey early. Although it was intimidating, it was not until I emotionally broke did I finally start to be transparent with my manager. I probably could have done so way before but by then I was in full word vomit mode.
If allowed, use bereavement leave not PTO for pregnancy loss. Although in essence it is the “same” when logged into many systems, bereavement leave will allow you to grieve and then when you are in a better mental space, take your PTO for activities you can fully enjoy!
With the right support, you can manage the fertility process in a way that allows for you to recover and navigate your grief in a healthy manner. When you are your best self, the potential is endless and the same investment a company made in you, you are more than happy to return ten fold.