Trigger warning: Pregnancy loss mentioned
Almost five years ago to the day, I experienced my first pregnancy loss with an unexpected ectopic pregnancy. Although every ectopic is unexpected, my experience was unique because I had zero pain. When I walked myself into the Emergency Room at Emory Midtown in Atlanta, I vividly remember the admissions team saying they had never seen anyone come in with this diagnosis in such “good condition.” No symptoms indicating that anything was wrong and extremely high hormone levels. But God alone knows how and why I made it to ten weeks pregnant without any ruptured organ or internal bleeding. Though physically intact, mentally, I was in tatters. Grappling with the idea that I would leave the hospital without a baby.
Because my baby was implanted in my right Fallopian tube instead of my uterus, I had a same day emergency salpingectomy (removal of my right Fallopian tube). Losing my tube and pregnancy on the same day was a double whammy I was not prepared for. The subsequent weeks were a blur. I navigated this immense loss while on Family and Medical Leave of Absence (FMLA) from my job and did my best to take care of myself.
In order to support employees drowning in grief and mentally fighting to navigate this unchartered territory, I recommend the following strategies:
Foster Community through Open Dialogue: Organizations should develop open forums and spaces for employees to support each other in their fertility journeys. Slack channels, Teams chats and email listservs provide ways for employees to engage and share their tribulations and triumphs. Two years after my loss was the first time I connected with a colleague who endured similar experiences. Knowing this sooner would have provided immense comfort and a sense of belonging.
Integrate Comprehensive Mental Health Benefits: Company benefit plans need to include mental health coverage, particularly for grief and bereavement. Providing these benefits helps employees handle their loss and start healing. I sought support from a therapist who helped me navigate the challenges of grieving a person who I had never met. These sessions were transformative in helping me not only deal with my loss but also stay connected and present in my daily life.
Acknowledge All Forms of Loss: Organizations should recognize pregnancy loss as a valid reason for bereavement leave. When I had an ectopic pregnancy, I was only granted time off for the physical recovery from surgery, not for the emotional impact of the loss, which my husband and I were both experiencing. He wasn’t given any leave other than the sick time he took to care for me. Just as we offer condolences and support for the loss of a pet, parent, or partner, we should also acknowledge the grief that comes with losing an unborn child. It’s equally important.
What are your experiences or thoughts on this topic? Let’s talk about it!